J-,
I want to thank you. I know that sounds odd considering where we are in our lives right now. I think the only way to let completely go is to tell you what you've taught me.
Thank you for letting me know what it truly meant to love someone; and thank you for teaching me what it was like to lose someone whom I'd bestowed so much love and time upon. I loved you. Nothing can dispute that fact. I'm starting to love the things you taught me- the things that made me a better person and a more loving and understand individual. In truth, you were my first love. You are my kryptonite. Toxic.
"I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned."
-Savage Garden
Thank you for letting me know what I deserve. I don't deserve to be hit or told every single day how fat and ugly I am. I don't deserve to have my food monitored or be told that I can't have certain things. I shouldn't be called a bitch and every other foul name. I don't deserve to be the butt of your joke. I deserve to be happy seven days a week- not just two.
Thank you for showing me how to communicate. I learned from you how a fight shouldn't go and as a result of your examples, my current thoughts regarding relationship fighting has changed significantly. I now know the importance of fighting in a relationship- I know what is worth the fight and what should just be dismissed. I know how to conduct a civil argument and how to avoid guilt trips and personal attacks.
Thank you for showing me how to truly love another individual. Throughout our relationship, you showed me utter beauty and complete chaos. You had me at my worst and brought me up to my best. But-- it is through you that I learned that's not how relationships work. A relationship isn't meant to make you; it's meant to mold you. In a relationship, you don't put someone at their worst or their best- you aid them in their times of need and do everything you can to make them feel the best they can. You show them compassion, sincerity, and understanding. You don't mold them; you mold with them.
You have made me a better person and for that, I can't really hate you.
I hate the things you did to me; that goes without needing to be said. I resent the negative times we had and adore the few and far between moments in which you showed me compassion and love.
You showed me what love could be.
You made me learn things and made me mature in ways I may not have without you.
And for that, I give you thanks.
I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you will never again be a part of my life. But, your life lessons will stay with me as you become a distant shadow in my past. Your place in my life had a purpose- a deep, meaningful purpose. And now that that purpose has been fulfilled, it's time to move on.
"Some things you just don't question..."
-Savage Garden
Sincerely,
Luna-C
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