I probably shouldn't have taken my pills with an energy drink o.O

For some reason, I got hit with a random wave of depression. I don't know what it is or why it happened. It's normal but just because something is normal doesn't make it enjoyable. I'm pretty sure the only thing I've mentioned here is how much I put off homework (which by the way I'm putting off homework again). It's times like this where I become really introspective. I start to think about all the things that got me where I am in my life. I'm in college. Engaged. Trying really hard to get my life together and stay on the right track. And yet, there is one thing that's been on my mind constantly...
Babies.
Yes, babies.
I can't seem to get the little screaming balls of poop out of my head. I don't know if it's something biological or if it's just because I'm coming up on the end of month one of my Seasonique pack where any normal girl would be getting her period. But I can't stop thinking about babies.
I've been thinking about them so much that I've actually started dreaming about them and trust me, it's inconvenient waking up in a panic thinking that you have a kid to take care of. I'm only twenty years old. But it seems like all my friends, even the ones younger than I am are starting their families. A long time ago, it was normal for fourteen year old girls to give birth; it seems history is repeating itself in that teenage pregnancy is at an all time high. I look at my friends who have children and am enveloped with a twinge of jealousy. Where did they go right and I go wrong or vice versa? I can't help thinking deep down that while everyone else is moving, I'm standing still.
"Hey Liz, how's life?"
I'm in school; the same damn thing I was doing four years ago. This time it's just college and not high school. I would love to have something to love me unconditionally.
And then I go to the doctor with Rob and hear kids screaming and telling their parents "no" and he just looks at me and says, "And you want one of those."
In reality, I know I'm in no way ready to have a child- not mentally, not physically, not emotionally, and definitely not financially. But I think about it and I'm pretty sure that might be normal. I love talking to my parents about it and they tell me that I'm being irrational. I could tell Rob at any time that I want children and I'm pretty sure with enough begging he would give in. I have to constantly keep telling myself that neither of us are ready. But it's still nice to think about it. A little bundle of joy that I can cuddle, love, and take pictures of- (one that's not a twenty-two year old man).

I think I should just get a kitten.